Cow Theory of Government

Cow Theory Of Government

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for
then
take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.


SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



REPUBLICAN

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?



COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.



CAPITALISM - AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was
a
gift from your government.



BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on

the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You
are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts

stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch.
Life is good.



JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
school.



GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have
some
more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them

again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The
Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.



FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state
tel
l you which is the best-looking one.



NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the
leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas

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