A correspondent asked me to critique a sales approach letter. I am reproducing it here, but removing any identifying info... what I want to share is how to approach, but how I think, since this person proposes to compete on price, what he is up against...
This is what my correspondent received from me:
You do know we covered this, so I suspect you are in a bit of denial about what you are up against in this effort.
You propose to contact your target customer by email. An email will be deleted and you'll never hear from them. This approach needs to be a paper letter in the mail delivered by a postman.
You said you can save these people 15%. That is likely the only thing they care about, but I would be stunned if your target companies did not already know the very best prices and the very best sources on planet earth... but to proceed...
Every paragraph in your draft email starts by talking about you... no one will read it. “My... I... my , I,...” If you talk about yourself, it is not needed in the letter.
What you do need is the word "you" (referring to your reader) in the first 3 words of the letter.
The first paragraph needs to be something like "If you could get a 15% lower cost of manufacturing on your bags, and maintain quality down to the thread and the pressure settings on the sewing machines, would you test a small order, no risk, to prove it?"
Your approach better be something that overwhelms their uninterest. If you cannot offer them something they are not getting now, then you have nothing to offer. What you do offer is 15% less. If they are interested, they will require you prove it, not just state it.
See my points below...
Dear XXX,
My name is X (Denver native) and I am contacting you on behalf of my factory, New Phoenix Goods. We are a professional manufacturer of bags based in China.
***No one will care, you'll sign the letter, that is sufficient and necessary introduction. Delete this entirely.***
I believe we can offer you the same quality bags that (customer name) is currently purchasing; at a price 15% lower than your existing suppliers.
***They believe you cannot. You do not know what they are paying so you cannot possibly make this claim. So don't make the claim. Pose a possibility: "If you could get a 15% lower cost of manufacturing on your bags, and maintain quality down to the thread and the pressure settings on the sewing machines, would you test a small order, no risk, to prove it?" ***
Since 2008, we have been producing bags for many major brands in the bag industry. We are a fully owned and operated Chinese manufacturer and are now looking to establish business relationships with brands directly.
***No one cares....***
Since 2010, I have been living and working full time in China. I will be returning to Denver on June 15th and staying until July 15th, at which point I will return to China.
***No one cares...***
During my visit I am hoping
***emotional blackmail as a sales technique... "I I I I I and now I need you to..." this email gets deleted for unprofessionalism....***
I could have the chance to meet with you for twenty to thirty minutes to show you sample bags, let you know more about my factory and answer any questions you may have. Please let me know what day and time works best for you.
*** No way. In connection with the other paragraph I composed above, you might say:
“If you have a few minutes anytime between June 15 and July 15 I'd be happy to drop by to show you production bags and see if you agree (your company) should test order a risk-free run of bags. Please contact me by any of the means below.”
So I will reproduce the letter as it should go out in entirety:
Dear X,
"If you could get a 15% lower cost of manufacturing on your bags, and maintain quality down to the thread and the pressure settings on the sewing machines, would you test a small order, no risk, to prove it?"
“If you have a few minutes anytime between June 15 and July 15 I'd be happy to drop by to show you production bags and see if you agree (your company) should test order a risk-free run of bags. Please contact me by any of the means below.”
Sincerely,
Y
New Phoenix goods
etc
Your email for all of its problems gets a delete. The letter I have composed is a sales approach, and setting up for an agreement on need (in the meeting). If the meeting takes place, you'll need no more than 3 or 4 minutes total for the meeting... these people are busy.
Anything short of a no-risk trial will not be answered (and even that may not be answered)... With this in mind, your factory needs to be ready to do a run of say 100 bags only at $50 apiece, whatever minimum they need balanced against the cost of having them all returned. If you expect full container load test shipments, then that is delusional.
I don't think you'll ever get an order except on open account. These established USA importers pay legitimate bills, and they will not waste one second in wondering if they can get a refund from "Phoenix whatever" in China.
Should this approach get you into the USA importer for 4 minutes, and you convince them immediately or over time you can truly get them a 15% cost savings, then your target customer will show their present supplier what you did on the 100 bags, and their present supplier will match the price and that will be the end of Phoenix suppliers relationship with your USA target customer.
I have seen this for 40 years. The Chinese slaughter each other over price, running themselves all out of business. USA buyers play one off the other. The Chinese are figuring out how to compete on design, which will save them.
My guess is nothing will ever come of this.
Where you can make money is to bring to suppliers your own designs proven to be of interest in the USA market. Now there you can build your own business.
John
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